Late Christmas Letter

Well, it’s that time of year again. The time where I take a day off work to get plastered while taking down the Christmas tree—or what remains of it—and I figured I’d share my thoughts as my buzz kicks in.

My goodness. If we are to believe the“365 Subtle Ways To Emotionally Scar Your Loved Ones” calendar that sits on my desk, then it looks like yet another year has slipped us by. I figured rather than make a round of tiring phone calls eating up our minutes telling stories of holiday excess, I’d send out a good old fashioned letter. It feels so good to take pen to paper, even if you are just typing on a computer.
I don’t know about you, but if I had to sum it up, I’d say it was a year of…Joy. For those of you without children in your lives, that may be difficult to comprehend, but for every day spent fretting about losing the house, we were lucky enough to have tireless and abundantly cheerful 5 and 2 year olds who run to embrace you and wash away your worries. Sometimes that came with a stiff though unintentional punch to the nuts, but after a while you learn to tuck and crouch in anticipation. Also, the athletic cup I got for my birthday (June 5th everybody!) didn’t hurt, either.

In my eternal desire to find the silver lining in the sequence of financial and personal failures we’ve experienced, I decided the kids’ ignorance as to the reality of our situation was an opportunity. Heck maybe if I tried hard enough, I too could find bliss. And I did. Thanks to off-brand sinus medicine washed down with a few stiff liquor drinks. Change what you can and screw the rest. The liquor? Oh never you mind, next week Matt Lauer will be telling all of us that 3+ shots a night of cheap vodka is the elixir of youth. THEN who will be the one laughing, hmm?
OK, updates. I’ll start with Parker, our youngest. Mostly she babbles nonsensically and continues to run up an obnoxious diaper bill. Next! Just kidding, that doesn’t make for a good holiday newsletter. When she’s not refusing to nap or throwing a tantrum in public, she does appear to have taken a keen interest in the dog’s privates. Over the last 12 months she’s blown bubbles at them, prodded them with the princess wand, and even painted one of his testicles the color purple—we’ve since put the oil paints on a high shelf. If we could keep the snot off of Parker’s face long enough to snap a photo I’d include one, but some chores aren’t worth the small payout.

Avery, our 5 year old, is finally coming out of her shell a little bit. This was a tough year for her because she started kindergarten. I suppose we all have our own definition of ‘tough.’ With the multitude of inter-racial children in the classroom, she apparently had some adjusting to do. After she finished decorating our house for Kwanzaa and we completed her three week crash course on making baklava, we feel like we’re all finally up to speed. Unfortunately, for each cultural step forward she took, she took a step backward in potty training. This was unexpected and a genuine pain in the ass. Just when you think they’re on their way in the world, they take a dump on the carpet at a neighbor’s holiday party. A few visits to a child counselor later and we feel she’s back on track—we’ve only just begun the project, but‘Family Fecal Art’ is a Godsend.

Genny, my adoring wife and the mother of these two beautiful darlings, is really loving her new-found freedom now that Parker spends her days at daycare and Avery spends hers at kindergarten. Genny’s worked hard for it, and I think if she wants to spend her free time watching reality tv and abusing prescription drugs, she’s earned the right to do so. My fear is she’s either going to burn down the house, or run out of doctors in this town willing to play the “I lost my prescription” game. Call me crazy, but I don’t have the confidence in the Canadian pharmaceutical mail order system that some folks do. Oh well—with each new year comes new challenges, and we will embrace them, even if it means bending the rules a little bit to keep mommy’s medicine cabinet in good supply.

Me? Well, for me it’s just more of the same. I spent the year trying to complain less, which was tough for me. I tried to appreciate everything and everybody, even when they made it a challenge to do so. My approach is simple—you only get one trip around this crazy big box consumer world of ours, and if you get stuck in the Electronics Department you never get to enjoy the Garden Center, if that makes sense at all. I can honestly say that 2009 was the year I was saved by Rachel Ray.
I could go on for quite some time, but there are new memories to make and I want to hop to it. I hope you and yours are doing well—we’d love to have you for a visit so long as everybody who comes is healthy and doesn’t expect much in the way of entertainment.

Chris